Many of us use the words guilt and shame interchangeably. They are actually very different concepts. Guilt is the emotion we feel when we perceive we have done something wrong. When we treat someone improperly. Guilt is something we put on ourselves.

Shame is the emotion we feel when someone else determines we have done something wrong and leads us to see a lesser version of ourselves. Shame often occurs when we are nudged into a corner, causing us to feel inadequate, powerless, small.

It is easy to see where the two concepts blur. And yet, sometimes, feeling guilty can be healthy. A guilty conscience may encourage someone to choose a wiser path. But a shameful persona encourages inward burrowing, dissociation from reality, the creation of thick walls that prevent discovery, revelation, understanding and growth.

Interestingly, the Torah in this context speaks about the self-realization of one’s mistakes. Recognizing the distancing a person causes between themselves, God, and others when they enact a wrongdoing. A distancing that is repaired when the person analyzes their behavior and knows they have tripped somewhere along the way. A conclusion that involves both soulful introspection and remorse.

But shaming someone into remorse is for naught. Teshuvah occurs when a person is enticed with “sin” and intentionally turns the other way. Shame is a negative psychological tool that allows one human to gain stature over another. For this rabbi, a guilty conscience wins every time.

Shame just doesn’t belong in this blessed world.