For the first time, I am viewing God as a parent with unhealthy boundaries. From the moment a child is born, a parent navigates how to remain close to their offspring while teaching them how to explore the world. I remember watching my children walk into their kindergarten classroom, completely unscathed. Outside on the play yard were sobbing parents, my tears mixed along the crowd. Letting go is part of growing as a parent. And perhaps God missed the class on healthy separation.

Family therapist Salvador Minuchin teaches extensively on “enmeshed relationships.” Enmeshment describes family bonds that are overly dependent, reliant on each other’s praise and approval. In other words, your actions take place as an emotional response to another, not on your own accord. When the Midrash describes God wanting his children cleaving to him, a rabbi/therapist can’t help but wonder: is this an enmeshed parent? Unable to let us move without consent? Or is God fostering healthy spiritual growth, while leaving room for independence, discovery, and failure?

Just like with any enmeshed parent, an adult child can always review and refine their boundaries. Do we exist in this world overly concerned with God’s approval? Or do we move through this world with God as a partner? Involved as a guide and mentor, granting us permission to question, struggle, venture and grow? We can shift the dynamic if we are willing to face the question.